As we ponder the WHY
behind the motives of the Florida shooter, Nikolas Cruz, we can only presuppose
what prompted this young man to walk into Stoneman Douglas High School, that
fateful Valentine’s day, 2018 with a made-up-mind to carry out the carnage taking
the lives of 17 innocent people.
Of course, via media outlets and then countless interviews
from several of Cruz’ peers and closet contacts, we know a bit about his story,
and what a complex story to unravel.
As an advocate against bullying I’ve thought about the many
different variables that could have prompted such an unfathomable massacre, but
I realize we’ll never have a final on this one account.
While it may be extremely difficult to begin uncovering the many
layers causing his horrible actions, I feel we must attempt to take a closer
look. And, even though Cruz may be 19 years old, to many of us he’s still a
very young kid.
Where do we begin?
Whilst, I refuse to make excuses for Cruz, as I’d never want
to pose accusations against any one person, or another making them responsible
for what Cruz executed on his own, we must begin to have effective dialogue and
discourse about possible antecedents leading to his painful actions determining
if collectively we can do all that we can to save other youngsters from feeling
this is the way to carry out their pinned-up feelings, or anger.
POSSIBLE FORERUNNERS
Home Life
One of the precursors, I’d like for us to consider is Cruz’
family background, early home life experiences and family interactions. We may never know how dysfunctional or
unstable his past has been, but isn’t it worth consideration? I have to wonder
about the early stages of his life, in terms of bonding with his parents and the
emotional stages we must all move through successfully in order to be called ‘normal’
or balanced. How was Cruz treated? Did he feel special? Was there respect in
his home in terms of roles? Was there discipline? Did he observe chaos? Was he
a victim born to parents using alcohol? Did he feel abandoned?
School Life
Another area of concern is whether or not Cruz had friends
at school. I’m not talking about occasional interactions, but true friends. Did
he feel connected, or was he alienated? Did he play a sport, or instrument giving
him an outlet that he could feel proud about? Did his teachers/administrators
approach him utilizing Social Emotional Learning Skills/Techniques? Were the
people he interacted with daily sympathetic to his expressive needs, and/or the
loss of his mom? Did anyone reach out to him? Was Cruz bullied at school by his
peers or teachers? So, if he appeared different, did anyone approach him with a
smile, or lend him a hand?
Bad Guy
No. I am not attempting to make Cruz the victim here. He is
clearly the ‘bad guy’ in terms of the deeds he carried out, but I just want all
of us to stop and ask ourselves how we could have reached-out to this young
soul – this kid.
I can’t help but believe in my heart-of-hearts that any one
kid who we all know, love and hold dear to our hearts is just as capable of
carrying out such a hideous crime if they feel unwanted, unloved and/or
isolated. We are all humans, and humans
can feel fragile.
Mental Illness
Is it really fair to the many people suffering from mental
illness to categorize them as possible ‘murderers?” I mean, I suppose if we
pick up a gun and shoot someone we have truly ‘lost it’ but think on this for a
spell. We are quick to say ‘mental illness’ but to become mental in this way,
is just a ‘snap’ away as we are all human and prone to destruction, and acts of
violence if we are in such a state or dark and lowly place in our lives.
I think it’s high time for each and everyone one of us to
remain connected to the children in our lives. We must consider their needs. We
must STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN to their stories, concerns, and fears. We have to
become very observant, ask questions, and offer assistance as much as we can.
Dig deeper in your questioning of children. Whenever you ask your children
about their day, do not accepted, “Good” or “I’m okay” and/or the like. Ask
your children details about their day, who they hung-out with, and what they’re
up to.
Good Guy
If we expect to raise and dwell with wholesome well-balanced
children, we must think on these important notes:
·
The quality of a child’s attachment depends on
the responses from those who rear the child (the adult)
·
The bond of connection develops between the
child and his/her caregiver (it should be positive)
·
Once the child leaves our tutelage, the educator
must grab the ‘torch’ and extend Social Emotional Learning – As parents we must
expect this.
·
We must make positive, meaningful connections
with children
·
Loneliness and separation anxieties are both
variables we as adults, must pay attention to
·
We have to foster empathy and sympathy within
our children
·
We must treat children with kindness and
respect. We can still do this as we discipline with love.
·
We must expect our children to use great
manners, but how can they if we fail to teach them?
·
We must teach our children to share.
·
We must teach our children to volunteer their
time and services to others.
·
We must refrain from spoiling our children and
giving them everything they ask for. By doing so, this will avoid their sense
of entitlement.
·
We must teach our children to say ‘thank you’
and to be grateful and thankful, too.
Parents – Feel free to add to this list.
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