The Child-Shooter: Why?

As we ponder the WHY behind the motives of the Florida shooter, Nikolas Cruz, we can only presuppose what prompted this young man to walk into Stoneman Douglas High School, that fateful Valentine’s day, 2018 with a made-up-mind to carry out the carnage taking the lives of 17 innocent people.

Of course, via media outlets and then countless interviews from several of Cruz’ peers and closet contacts, we know a bit about his story, and what a complex story to unravel.

As an advocate against bullying I’ve thought about the many different variables that could have prompted such an unfathomable massacre, but I realize we’ll never have a final on this one account.

While it may be extremely difficult to begin uncovering the many layers causing his horrible actions, I feel we must attempt to take a closer look. And, even though Cruz may be 19 years old, to many of us he’s still a very young kid.

Where do we begin?

Whilst, I refuse to make excuses for Cruz, as I’d never want to pose accusations against any one person, or another making them responsible for what Cruz executed on his own, we must begin to have effective dialogue and discourse about possible antecedents leading to his painful actions determining if collectively we can do all that we can to save other youngsters from feeling this is the way to carry out their pinned-up feelings, or anger.

POSSIBLE FORERUNNERS

Home Life

One of the precursors, I’d like for us to consider is Cruz’ family background, early home life experiences and family interactions.  We may never know how dysfunctional or unstable his past has been, but isn’t it worth consideration? I have to wonder about the early stages of his life, in terms of bonding with his parents and the emotional stages we must all move through successfully in order to be called ‘normal’ or balanced. How was Cruz treated? Did he feel special? Was there respect in his home in terms of roles? Was there discipline? Did he observe chaos? Was he a victim born to parents using alcohol? Did he feel abandoned?

School Life

Another area of concern is whether or not Cruz had friends at school. I’m not talking about occasional interactions, but true friends. Did he feel connected, or was he alienated? Did he play a sport, or instrument giving him an outlet that he could feel proud about? Did his teachers/administrators approach him utilizing Social Emotional Learning Skills/Techniques? Were the people he interacted with daily sympathetic to his expressive needs, and/or the loss of his mom? Did anyone reach out to him? Was Cruz bullied at school by his peers or teachers? So, if he appeared different, did anyone approach him with a smile, or lend him a hand?

Bad Guy

No. I am not attempting to make Cruz the victim here. He is clearly the ‘bad guy’ in terms of the deeds he carried out, but I just want all of us to stop and ask ourselves how we could have reached-out to this young soul – this kid.

I can’t help but believe in my heart-of-hearts that any one kid who we all know, love and hold dear to our hearts is just as capable of carrying out such a hideous crime if they feel unwanted, unloved and/or isolated.  We are all humans, and humans can feel fragile.

Mental Illness

Is it really fair to the many people suffering from mental illness to categorize them as possible ‘murderers?” I mean, I suppose if we pick up a gun and shoot someone we have truly ‘lost it’ but think on this for a spell. We are quick to say ‘mental illness’ but to become mental in this way, is just a ‘snap’ away as we are all human and prone to destruction, and acts of violence if we are in such a state or dark and lowly place in our lives.

I think it’s high time for each and everyone one of us to remain connected to the children in our lives. We must consider their needs. We must STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN to their stories, concerns, and fears. We have to become very observant, ask questions, and offer assistance as much as we can. Dig deeper in your questioning of children. Whenever you ask your children about their day, do not accepted, “Good” or “I’m okay” and/or the like. Ask your children details about their day, who they hung-out with, and what they’re up to.

Good Guy

If we expect to raise and dwell with wholesome well-balanced children, we must think on these important notes:

·         The quality of a child’s attachment depends on the responses from those who rear the child (the adult)

·         The bond of connection develops between the child and his/her caregiver (it should be positive)

·         Once the child leaves our tutelage, the educator must grab the ‘torch’ and extend Social Emotional Learning – As parents we must expect this.

·         We must make positive, meaningful connections with children

·         Loneliness and separation anxieties are both variables we as adults, must pay attention to

·         We have to foster empathy and sympathy within our children

·         We must treat children with kindness and respect. We can still do this as we discipline with love.

·         We must expect our children to use great manners, but how can they if we fail to teach them?

·         We must teach our children to share.

·         We must teach our children to volunteer their time and services to others.

·         We must refrain from spoiling our children and giving them everything they ask for. By doing so, this will avoid their sense of entitlement.

·         We must teach our children to say ‘thank you’ and to be grateful and thankful, too.

Parents – Feel free to add to this list.

Note: Please let me know what topics you'd love for me to cover.

Please ensure that you've downloaded my 2 FREE resources: Click Here

Resource to Help Children with Goals and Positive Uplifting

 Resource to Help Parents Meet with School Officials

Your Child's Voice Piece for Peace

Please Take Action!

BULLYING DOESN'T SEEM TO BE GOING AWAY
More and more, children are being bullied on school campuses. There has to be a push to intervene more effectively, but how?

Administrators: At the beginning of each school year, consider mandating staff development sessions on bullying. We need teachers/staff members to receive training on how to identify children who are likely targets of bullying, but most importantly, we need you to target school bullies. Afterward, we have to depend on you to train your ENTIRE staff.

DID YOU KNOW?

Children who are likely targets of bullying: 

• Children who are new on a campus (other children already established their friends, and now the new child is an outcast trying to find friends)
• Sometimes, children who are scholars may become targets
• Children in the minority on school campuses 
• Children from diverse, or low-socioeconomic backgrounds
• Jealousy is a huge factor in bullying, too
• Children with learning challenges
• Children with physical challenges

All these listed above, breaks my heart, but educators can play a huge role in the intervention process.

TEACHER EXERCISE
Administrators: On the first day of school, ask your teachers/staff to look for patterns.

These patterns may include:

1. What child has not been included within a table group?
2. What child has not been chosen to play a game/sport?
3. What child is sitting alone in the cafeteria?
4. What child seems lost or lonely?

5. What child is sitting or walking alone on the playground?

6. What child appears sad all the time?

Administrators: Train teachers to teach children not to become bystanders watching cruelty happen. Train teachers to role-model how some behaviors may hurt others (their peers).

We need teachers in our classrooms focusing on Social-Emotional Learning techniques.

Train teachers to help children with social issues. Help children understand the ('this could be me' syndrome). Children need to consider how it would feel to be an outcast at school, thus — the need to include their peers (those that are left out) of groups. 

Empower children to become leaders who are doing great things for others in need.

SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT

Yes, it’s sad to think that we must deal with bullying issues along with educating our children. Isn’t this the real reason our children are in school - to learn? Instead, we are dealing with adverse behaviors called bullying. Yes, bullying! Bullying hurts and can lead to unthinkable actions, so we must act fast and intervene. Our children deserve to attend safe schools free from the terrible acts of bullying behaviors. We are our children’s greatest advocates against bullying.

PARENTS
If your child has been a victim of constant bullying, please download my FREE parent resource guide titled: 

THE BULLY BAND PARENTS IN RHYTHM   
Website: cherryesbooksthatsow.com 

The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm - FREE -
Download today! Click Here

I used these tools when my own child was bullied in school, and they work. Know your rights. Intervene and become your child's voice piece for peace.

Cherrye S. Vasquez, Ph.D.
Books That Sow Strength, Character & Diversity

Back To School

MY LOVE - YOUR LOVE

Take a good look at this face -- My daughter, a happy-go-lucky teenager, who is still growing and making sense of her world. Just replace this photo with that of your own child or grandchild. We have such high hopes for their happiness, don't we?

A NEW SCHOOL YEAR

This 2017-2018 school year, my kid will be in 10^th grade. I'm not at all sure where the time has gone, but it certainly has flown by. Like your children, she has so many expectations, and she's counting on so many people to help her 'get it all right'.  As you read these words, I know you’re thinking about your own children/grandchildren while sharing similar hopes regarding their new school year. Together, we can pray for the best school-year ever. We have lots to look forward to, and be grateful for, and I know you'll agree with me.

Like so many parents, I pray to God that my child’s journey, along with so many others with their very own high hopes, will be rewarding as they progress academically, behaviorally, and socially. As I take a look at my child's schedule, I know it will be very taxing, but all worth it.

Our children will learn things that neither of us ever thought possible, some good and some bad – just a part of learning and growing. Our children will discover, make new friends, learn to make adjustments, continue to realize that not all students/teachers are alike, and so much more.

JOB OF PARENTS

As parents, our job is to ensure our children have the tools needed to “jump start” their school year. This entails plenty of good rest each night, nutritious breakfasts, proper school supplies, lots of love and academic/behavioral support. Remember, we must also support great teachers and staff, be ready and willing to show up at school functions from time-to-time, monitor our kids' activities (especially social media), and more. We must also have talks with our children about their goals (short and long), and their role in taking charge of their world.

SCHOOL OFFICIALS/ADMINISTRATORS

Firstly, I can only hope school officials have done their part in searching for, and choosing great teachers for our classroom settings. I mean, teachers who really LOVE teaching and positively interacting with children. Make no mistake about it, I'm talking about teachers who are:

• highly qualified to teach assigned subject matter(s), and really TEACH
• efficacious (believe all students can and will learn)
• caring and compassionate
• nurturing (when needed)
• organized/timely
• skilled in Social-Emotional Learning techniques
• eager to continue staff development training learning new trends in education

WE ARE COUNTING ON YOU, TEACHERS

Thank you for teaching our children. We really appreciate your hard work and the time you've put into preparing your lessons for our children. Many of you are SO wonderful, and so many of us parents and grandparents alike, TRULY honor you, so what I'm about to say below does not pertain to the many great teachers who already do what I've listed above. I'm not talking about YOU.

For those of you who don't really like children, and you know full well who you are. Please find something else to do that you really love. Please stop hurting our children!

By the way, we realize our children should be able to do some things on their own. We get it. I too believe in functional developmental stages, but please do not forget they are still our children. They are not adults, and we are their mouth pieces, their voices, their advocates whenever they need us.

Teachers - We want to support you as you support our children, but please do not bully, demean, scream at, or ridicule our children in front of their peers. And by all means, please do not become angry whenever parents ask you simple questions, and begin to immaturely sulk by 'pencil whipping them.' Did your teachers do this to you? If so, did you like it? How did it make you feel?

STUDENTS YOU HAVE A ROLE, TOO

Children, it is your responsibility to take charge of your own activities. You can do it! Listen to your parents! Parents are actually wiser than you think. Why? Because we've been where you are.

Respect your teachers, administrators, friends/peers, and most of all yourselves. You must follow school and classroom rules, and you must follow the laws of our great land. You've been taught to have pride and to carry your family name well. Do That!

Show your parents and teachers that you're mature enough to take charge of your own busy schedules, homework, and balanced nutrition. You can do this! If you need help, ask questions. And, don't let things that bother you pile up in your minds/hearts. Seek help. Speak up.

THEIR SAFETY

Finally, but not at all suggested as being least important, we need our children to enter and dwell in safe and secure schools -- free from bullying acts. All children should feel comfortable attending school environments without compromise. Each of us hope for this. 
If by chance parents/teachers you need a supportive tool to help combat bullying, please see my resource guide, A Bully Blueprint Solutions for Kids. It is full of helpful tools that you can use.

Let us make it a great school year parents and teachers. We are the adults charged with massaging, nurturing and shaping the children of our future. 

Let us ALL make it a good one!