Bully Upstander NOT Bully Bystander

I Already Know What Bullying is, Dr. Cherrye!

Okay, okay, I know you're tired of hearing that bullying hurts. You already know that bullying is on the rise, and you may already know the latest statistics, too. What you really want to know is how to intervene. You want resources, and tools that you can actually put into practice.  I feel you!

Bully Upstander

One of the ways you can help is to teach your children how to be Upstanders. But wait a minute! You might ask - "Are you telling me to have my child get involved in a bad situation that isn't his/her business? Don't you realize that by doing so the bully could turn his/her cruelty on my child? You can't be serious!" 

Well, yes, I am telling you to have your child do something, but not in the way you're thinking. Give me a chance to explain, please.

Before I try to convince you that one powerful way to teach children to help decrease bullying is to become an Upstander, and why this movement is so very important, perhaps I should pause a minute, and define what Upstander means.

Definition of Upstander

An Upstander intervenes by either speaking up, or moving toward a positive action to help the victim. Simply put - If a child sees another child being bullied, he/she realizes it's wrong, so he/she is driven to action. An Upstander is no longer a Bystander (one who witnesses bullying, but remains silent with no positive, workable actions). 

Why Teach Children to Become Upstanders?

First of all, it's the right thing to do.

Before you think about telling your child never to get involved, or to mind his/her own business less the bully turns on him/her, just imagine your child becoming a victim - and at a whim. 

Just imagine your child being bullied, and needing the help of an...... that's right - an Upstander. Wouldn't you love it?

Imagine having a school full of children who think on the lines of, and own the acts of becoming Upstanders. Wouldn't this look like a school with minimum to zero bullying?

Upstander Actions

Tell your child:

• Just be a friend. You don't have to be best friends, just friendly
• smile
• lend a helping hand
• answer a question
• Let the victim know that you understand, and you feel their pain
• Let the victim know that they are not alone
• It's okay to walk with the child being bullied 
• It's okay to eat at the same table with the child that's being bullied
• See how you can be the leader of an Upstander Movement at your school
• clear this with the school administrator, first
• Get your friends involved
• make this an exciting club, or movement
• Each day, see how you and your group of friends can point out a child who is lonely, upset, or sitting in the cafeteria alone
• take positive action
• ask how you can help
• take the victim to an adult to talk

Feeling: Wouldn't it be nice to have another student do this if your child was being bullied?

Tell your child:

• Gossiping/rumors can be a part of bullying acts. When this starts see how you can end it.
• Can you change the topic?
• Can you say that isn't true, or that isn't how I heard it, or saw it?
• Or, simply say, "You know that isn't true."

Feeling: Help your child understand how it would feel if an untruth was told on them

Ask your child:

• Have you noticed any new students at your school, or entering your class?
• See how you can help the child feel comfortable
• Does the new student need to catch up, and could use your notes?
• Does the new student need a pencil/pen?

Feeling: Wouldn't you appreciate and feel relieved if another student did this for your child until they felt comfortable in a new school environment?

Upstander  -- It's Everybody's Business

School officials cannot be everywhere noticing everything, so the children who are right there in the midst may see things that no one else does. It is everybody's business and responsibility!

Important Notes: There is no way that children can all be the same. They are different mentally, physically and socially. Teach children how diversity makes them uniquely special. Teach children to share their diverse talents, and learn from one another. Tell them to listen, learn, and then share. 

Parents: If you haven't already, please download my FREE resource guide titled: The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm. What I've written within this guide is what I used when my own child was bullied when she was in 4th grade. I met with the school principal calm, ready (with my documentation in hand), and I felt confident that I would make a difference as my child's anti-bully advocate, and guess what? It worked. The Principal was receptive. She met with the student, and then the student's parent. The mother of the bully felt the severity of her child's actions, and realized that I meant business about her child's bullying behaviors.

Remember, parents - We are our children's mouth pieces for peace. 

The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm - Free Download

Click Here

Your Child's Voice Piece for Peace

Please Take Action!

BULLYING DOESN'T SEEM TO BE GOING AWAY
More and more, children are being bullied on school campuses. There has to be a push to intervene more effectively, but how?

Administrators: At the beginning of each school year, consider mandating staff development sessions on bullying. We need teachers/staff members to receive training on how to identify children who are likely targets of bullying, but most importantly, we need you to target school bullies. Afterward, we have to depend on you to train your ENTIRE staff.

DID YOU KNOW?

Children who are likely targets of bullying: 

• Children who are new on a campus (other children already established their friends, and now the new child is an outcast trying to find friends)
• Sometimes, children who are scholars may become targets
• Children in the minority on school campuses 
• Children from diverse, or low-socioeconomic backgrounds
• Jealousy is a huge factor in bullying, too
• Children with learning challenges
• Children with physical challenges

All these listed above, breaks my heart, but educators can play a huge role in the intervention process.

TEACHER EXERCISE
Administrators: On the first day of school, ask your teachers/staff to look for patterns.

These patterns may include:

1. What child has not been included within a table group?
2. What child has not been chosen to play a game/sport?
3. What child is sitting alone in the cafeteria?
4. What child seems lost or lonely?

5. What child is sitting or walking alone on the playground?

6. What child appears sad all the time?

Administrators: Train teachers to teach children not to become bystanders watching cruelty happen. Train teachers to role-model how some behaviors may hurt others (their peers).

We need teachers in our classrooms focusing on Social-Emotional Learning techniques.

Train teachers to help children with social issues. Help children understand the ('this could be me' syndrome). Children need to consider how it would feel to be an outcast at school, thus — the need to include their peers (those that are left out) of groups. 

Empower children to become leaders who are doing great things for others in need.

SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT

Yes, it’s sad to think that we must deal with bullying issues along with educating our children. Isn’t this the real reason our children are in school - to learn? Instead, we are dealing with adverse behaviors called bullying. Yes, bullying! Bullying hurts and can lead to unthinkable actions, so we must act fast and intervene. Our children deserve to attend safe schools free from the terrible acts of bullying behaviors. We are our children’s greatest advocates against bullying.

PARENTS
If your child has been a victim of constant bullying, please download my FREE parent resource guide titled: 

THE BULLY BAND PARENTS IN RHYTHM   
Website: cherryesbooksthatsow.com 

The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm - FREE -
Download today! Click Here

I used these tools when my own child was bullied in school, and they work. Know your rights. Intervene and become your child's voice piece for peace.

Cherrye S. Vasquez, Ph.D.
Books That Sow Strength, Character & Diversity

Back To School

MY LOVE - YOUR LOVE

Take a good look at this face -- My daughter, a happy-go-lucky teenager, who is still growing and making sense of her world. Just replace this photo with that of your own child or grandchild. We have such high hopes for their happiness, don't we?

A NEW SCHOOL YEAR

This 2017-2018 school year, my kid will be in 10^th grade. I'm not at all sure where the time has gone, but it certainly has flown by. Like your children, she has so many expectations, and she's counting on so many people to help her 'get it all right'.  As you read these words, I know you’re thinking about your own children/grandchildren while sharing similar hopes regarding their new school year. Together, we can pray for the best school-year ever. We have lots to look forward to, and be grateful for, and I know you'll agree with me.

Like so many parents, I pray to God that my child’s journey, along with so many others with their very own high hopes, will be rewarding as they progress academically, behaviorally, and socially. As I take a look at my child's schedule, I know it will be very taxing, but all worth it.

Our children will learn things that neither of us ever thought possible, some good and some bad – just a part of learning and growing. Our children will discover, make new friends, learn to make adjustments, continue to realize that not all students/teachers are alike, and so much more.

JOB OF PARENTS

As parents, our job is to ensure our children have the tools needed to “jump start” their school year. This entails plenty of good rest each night, nutritious breakfasts, proper school supplies, lots of love and academic/behavioral support. Remember, we must also support great teachers and staff, be ready and willing to show up at school functions from time-to-time, monitor our kids' activities (especially social media), and more. We must also have talks with our children about their goals (short and long), and their role in taking charge of their world.

SCHOOL OFFICIALS/ADMINISTRATORS

Firstly, I can only hope school officials have done their part in searching for, and choosing great teachers for our classroom settings. I mean, teachers who really LOVE teaching and positively interacting with children. Make no mistake about it, I'm talking about teachers who are:

• highly qualified to teach assigned subject matter(s), and really TEACH
• efficacious (believe all students can and will learn)
• caring and compassionate
• nurturing (when needed)
• organized/timely
• skilled in Social-Emotional Learning techniques
• eager to continue staff development training learning new trends in education

WE ARE COUNTING ON YOU, TEACHERS

Thank you for teaching our children. We really appreciate your hard work and the time you've put into preparing your lessons for our children. Many of you are SO wonderful, and so many of us parents and grandparents alike, TRULY honor you, so what I'm about to say below does not pertain to the many great teachers who already do what I've listed above. I'm not talking about YOU.

For those of you who don't really like children, and you know full well who you are. Please find something else to do that you really love. Please stop hurting our children!

By the way, we realize our children should be able to do some things on their own. We get it. I too believe in functional developmental stages, but please do not forget they are still our children. They are not adults, and we are their mouth pieces, their voices, their advocates whenever they need us.

Teachers - We want to support you as you support our children, but please do not bully, demean, scream at, or ridicule our children in front of their peers. And by all means, please do not become angry whenever parents ask you simple questions, and begin to immaturely sulk by 'pencil whipping them.' Did your teachers do this to you? If so, did you like it? How did it make you feel?

STUDENTS YOU HAVE A ROLE, TOO

Children, it is your responsibility to take charge of your own activities. You can do it! Listen to your parents! Parents are actually wiser than you think. Why? Because we've been where you are.

Respect your teachers, administrators, friends/peers, and most of all yourselves. You must follow school and classroom rules, and you must follow the laws of our great land. You've been taught to have pride and to carry your family name well. Do That!

Show your parents and teachers that you're mature enough to take charge of your own busy schedules, homework, and balanced nutrition. You can do this! If you need help, ask questions. And, don't let things that bother you pile up in your minds/hearts. Seek help. Speak up.

THEIR SAFETY

Finally, but not at all suggested as being least important, we need our children to enter and dwell in safe and secure schools -- free from bullying acts. All children should feel comfortable attending school environments without compromise. Each of us hope for this. 
If by chance parents/teachers you need a supportive tool to help combat bullying, please see my resource guide, A Bully Blueprint Solutions for Kids. It is full of helpful tools that you can use.

Let us make it a great school year parents and teachers. We are the adults charged with massaging, nurturing and shaping the children of our future. 

Let us ALL make it a good one!

Welcome to My Blog -- I'm Back!

I’m back fans! And, I’m happy to be here.

I first want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to peruse my website.  With you in mind, I often get all giddy inside thinking about materials, books and parent/educator resources I can create for you.

In regards to my platform topics, Bullying and Diversity (along with topics spun from these), my goal is to help serve families everywhere supplying you with news, statistics and updates you can use.

Sometimes, I may get off topic just a bit just to share what’s going on my world, such as taking a 15 year old to Driver Education classes this summer. 

For the last few months, and since my retirement from public school education in May, 2016 I’ve begun a new journey. My purpose was to write as many children’s books as I could in one year, exercise like crazy, eat healthier foods, spoil my family, spend as much time with my mom, sisters, brother and theirs, plus add to my Spanish vocabulary. While I’ve done a few of these things, there’s always more work to be done, and more time I can spend with the loves in my life.

I’m still working part-time as an Adjunct Professor for Concordia University. I teach adult learners (mainly teachers working toward their Master Degree) who are aspiring to become your child’s future administrators. As I do this, my intent is to guide, shape and mold these learners into leaders you can trust and depend on in our classroom settings.

Overall, I love what I do fans. I want to continue serving you and your families for years to come.


 By now, I hope you’ve grabbed and downloaded your free book, “The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm.” While I hope your child will never have to encounter a bully at school, if they do, you are now equipped with a resource guide helping you with your documentation and approach.

Click this link to get a FREE copy http://bit.ly/2unK1DQ

I want you to know there will be free resources for you from time to time, so I hope you’ll come back and visit with me as often as you can.

Blessings!

Dr. Cherrye