Okay, okay, I know you're tired of hearing that bullying hurts. You already know that bullying is on the rise, and you may already know the latest statistics, too. What you really want to know is how to intervene. You want resources, and tools that you can actually put into practice. I feel you!
Bully Upstander
One of the ways you can help is to teach your children how to be Upstanders. But wait a minute! You might ask - "Are you telling me to have my child get involved in a bad situation that isn't his/her business? Don't you realize that by doing so the bully could turn his/her cruelty on my child? You can't be serious!"
Well, yes, I am telling you to have your child do something, but not in the way you're thinking. Give me a chance to explain, please.
Before I try to convince you that one powerful way to teach children to help decrease bullying is to become an Upstander, and why this movement is so very important, perhaps I should pause a minute, and define what Upstander means.
Definition of Upstander
An Upstander intervenes by either speaking up, or moving toward a positive action to help the victim. Simply put - If a child sees another child being bullied, he/she realizes it's wrong, so he/she is driven to action. An Upstander is no longer a Bystander (one who witnesses bullying, but remains silent with no positive, workable actions).
Why Teach Children to Become Upstanders?
First of all, it's the right thing to do.
Before you think about telling your child never to get involved, or to mind his/her own business less the bully turns on him/her, just imagine your child becoming a victim - and at a whim.
Just imagine your child being bullied, and needing the help of an...... that's right - an Upstander. Wouldn't you love it?
Imagine having a school full of children who think on the lines of, and own the acts of becoming Upstanders. Wouldn't this look like a school with minimum to zero bullying?
Upstander Actions
Tell your child:
- Just be a friend. You don't have to be best friends, just friendly
- smile
- lend a helping hand
- answer a question
- Let the victim know that you understand, and you feel their pain
- Let the victim know that they are not alone
- It's okay to walk with the child being bullied
- It's okay to eat at the same table with the child that's being bullied
- See how you can be the leader of an Upstander Movement at your school
- clear this with the school administrator, first
- Get your friends involved
- make this an exciting club, or movement
- Each day, see how you and your group of friends can point out a child who is lonely, upset, or sitting in the cafeteria alone
- take positive action
- ask how you can help
- take the victim to an adult to talk
Feeling: Wouldn't it be nice to have another student do this if your child was being bullied?
Tell your child:
- Gossiping/rumors can be a part of bullying acts. When this starts see how you can end it.
- Can you change the topic?
- Can you say that isn't true, or that isn't how I heard it, or saw it?
- Or, simply say, "You know that isn't true."
Feeling: Help your child understand how it would feel if an untruth was told on them
Ask your child:
- Have you noticed any new students at your school, or entering your class?
- See how you can help the child feel comfortable
- Does the new student need to catch up, and could use your notes?
- Does the new student need a pencil/pen?
Feeling: Wouldn't you appreciate and feel relieved if another student did this for your child until they felt comfortable in a new school environment?
Upstander -- It's Everybody's Business
School officials cannot be everywhere noticing everything, so the children who are right there in the midst may see things that no one else does. It is everybody's business and responsibility!
Important Notes: There is no way that children can all be the same. They are different mentally, physically and socially. Teach children how diversity makes them uniquely special. Teach children to share their diverse talents, and learn from one another. Tell them to listen, learn, and then share.
Parents: If you haven't already, please download my FREE resource guide titled: The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm. What I've written within this guide is what I used when my own child was bullied when she was in 4th grade. I met with the school principal calm, ready (with my documentation in hand), and I felt confident that I would make a difference as my child's anti-bully advocate, and guess what? It worked. The Principal was receptive. She met with the student, and then the student's parent. The mother of the bully felt the severity of her child's actions, and realized that I meant business about her child's bullying behaviors.
Remember, parents - We are our children's mouth pieces for peace.
Remember, parents - We are our children's mouth pieces for peace.
The Bully Band Parents in Rhythm - Free Download
Well done. It sounds so simple and it should be but we know it won't be as easy as it could--but it is one terrific start!!!
ReplyDeleteYes! Thank you, Micki. I hope this idea of all campuses beginning a Bully Upstander Movement and/or club on school campuses will stick. We must do something to help end bullying.
DeleteThank you for stopping by. I appreciate you!
From Linda Hales:
ReplyDeleteCherrye, once again, you have conveyed a tremendously positive, insightful piece of advice to parents and it is easy to follow. Sometimes, the most helpful teaching device is to encourage empathy, as you have done with your 'imagine if your child' approach. Often, being a peer advocate is exactly what overwhelms bullies once they realize that they can't fight the entire playground and their target has become too large and inattentive to their inappropriate demand for attention. The bully will usually move away and if he/she targets another child, the peer advocate approach must begin again with the new target. The simple act of walking with a child isn't what the bully envisioned and it diminishes his/her power. Many schools appoint peer advocates in each classroom and even encourage these children to teach by example, never pushing, but to exemplify good behavior by their own action. They don't shut out the bully but even smile at him/her as they walk away so that the bully knows there is friendship waiting and only needs to reach out to have it. It has to begin somewhere and children learn more from other children than from any other source. By conveying your professional advice in this clear and simple way, you are helping parents to encourage their own children to become positive role models who not only help victims, but can even teach the bully to express feelings in peaceful and friendly ways and not with their fists or any violent approach in general. The bully wants friends too and might even become envious of this simple and caring approach to gain them.
Thank you, Linda. Bullying is such a pandemic that it'll take ALL of us to help end it. At this point, I'd just be happy with statistics showing a decrease. At least it'll indicate that something might be working. Right?
DeleteThere's so much to do, still. Thank you for your encouragement.
Bullying is serious and our children are killing themselves because of it.
ReplyDeleteYour books are beautiful, and your Parenting Guide is wonderfully on point however, we’ve got to find a way to reach these bullies, parents and educators face on.
Let’s brainstorm and come up with a solution.
Cande C Richardson
Sounds like a plan!
DeleteThank you, sister!