With immediacy, we should certainly help the child who has been bullied, but today I want to focus on the child bully because no child can receive bullying if no one is administering the action(s) that comes packed with so much pain.
Just in case you didn't know what bullying is, or what it entails, please take a look at the words carefully crafted within the image below.
Okay, just imagine how you would feel if someone treated you this way. Now, please take time to imagine how the bully-ee (the child who receives this pain) feels.
On page 20 and 21 of my parent guide titled: A Bully Blueprint Solutions for Kids, I've outlined ways to pinpoint and help stop the bully from his/her menaces. We must stop to realize that a bully may be in lots of pain due to variables we aren't aware of. As leaders, teachers, parents (adults), we must begin to unlock the reasons, but we must dig deeper (get right to the core).
This inquisition brings me to my next important point.
Do you really know the 'why' behind the bullies' actions?
- Is the child negatively acting out his/her own pain?
- Has the child been harassed, or bullied at home, or by someone else, therefore, he/she wants to pass this pain along?
- Is the child not really in pain, but just being mean and enjoys seeing others in pain?
- Is the child self-centered, or selfish?
It's time to explore as we determine the very root of the problem behavior(s).
Yes, we must begin to identify (target) problem areas for the bully, and then ask ourselves:
- What is the problem behavior?
- Have I pinpointed the behaviors so that I may work toward dismantling them one-by-one, step-by-step?
- Where does the behavior occur?
- home
- hallway
- lunchroom
- classroom
- between classes
- playground
How will you gather your findings?
Finally, how will you utilize the data once gathered (documented) about the child?
I've actually gone into much more detail within the parent guide, so feel free to read it, and/or gift it to a loved one in need.
If you're interested, please see the amazon link below:
A Bully Blueprint Solutions for Kids
http://amzn.to/2hIMnrt
Whatever you do, please make sure that your child has a bully-free month, and from now on.
Sincerely,
Dr. Cherrye
From Linda Hales -
ReplyDeleteAs always, your thoughts are highly informative, directional and have our children at heart. Keep up the excellent work Cherrye. There are precious few qualified advocates such as yourself who are prepared to go that extra mile and back it up with expertise.
Wonderfully said. I have been bullied and seen children I knew bully others. The bully's pain was obvious to me but always difficult to unravel. Luckily many of them outgrew it--perhaps by observing more normal behavior or getting help from a parent, friend or teacher. The worst is when the see there parents bullying each other and copy that behavior.
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